I thought I share a story with you will make me admit to some grayish ethical behavior. Nevertheless, it's quite amusing and I think you are going to enjoy it. ;^)
Last summer my husband and I were hosts to 2 students on vacation from my country. Both enrolled in respectable universities in Poland. One of them asked me for help with her English. I told her I do my best and I immediately begun sending her trashy novels, because trashy novels, as everyone knows, are the best for learning another language. There is a plot, there is sex, there is angst and romance, there is mystery, and everything is written in the easiest possible language. My student revolted after the 3rd Lauren Hamilton's Anita Blake story. I don't blame her. Read one vampire story – know them all!
Soon, however, I received a request: a paper on Chicago. The teacher found out about the girl's trip to Chicago and requested a 10-page critical paper on the Windy City. I wasn't keen on cheating so I insisted at first she writes an outline in English that would set us out on an email collaboration in the creation of a paper that I would smartly made her write while I corrected. Of course, that didn't work. And the deadline was approaching faster than I anticipated.
So finally, one Sunday I sat down with my friend, a technical writer and quick witted Puerto Rican woman, and we wrote it. We took care not to overcomplicate it, since it was supposed to be written by a student of English. We took care to write it according to the teacher's guidelines and we made it funny. Gosh, was it good! We showed it to my friend's husband, a writer and an English professor. He laughed loudly when reading and afterwards asked, "can I post it on my website for my students?" – he didn't know, poor thing, that it was a cheating paper...
After formatting the paper according to MLA rules I sent it off to Poland asking for feedback on the grade. It came. C. Minus. The teacher's comments were: a) the paper was too simplistic; b) the vocabulary too narrow; c) the conclusions too personal; d) the knowledge about the city too insignificant; e) the formatting unprofessional; f) it was NOT funny. If the student wished to get a better grade, she should rewrite the paper by the following deadline.
I showed the grade to my co-conspirator (MA in English, btw) and – accidentally – to her husband. The husband only now found out we were cheating. But that realization melted into the background of his complete amazement, "This got a C? I would grade it at least a B+, for the humor alone I'd give it an A," he said. "What school is she attending?" followed by, "There is nothing wrong with MLA" and, "Am I too tolerant as a teacher?", "Am I letting my students down?" The last two statements were enough to get him entangled in our plot to get a better grade. (So you don't loose count: there were four people now involved in the writing, 3 of them adults, and one student, who was probably at the time sitting in a pub with her boyfriend, speaking only in Polish...)
So, the three of us met two more times. We divided research equally. We covered history, politics, business, architecture, literature and music. We dealt with all aspects of Chicago life: the dark and the shiny examples (what a beautiful subject, btw). We argued on what should go into the paper as we changed its format to APA. We wrote it with complete disregard for reality seeking only the most sophisticated and eloquent language, rewriting the sentences endlessly. When it was completed, we decided we had enough information to write another paper more focused on the history and current events of Chicago's political life and we wrote it (we entitled it, "Chicago – The Case of The Meg's Field"). We gave it Chicago style formatting, and then we rewrote it in MLA – just in case (let's not loose the count: there were 2 papers now, one in 2 versions, total of 3). After the final polish of the dry wit of the Irish pen of our English professor, he sent off the papers to appropriate specialists of political science and journalism from 2 colleges in Chicago. They made their notations which we promptly included. Gosh, were we proud!
I emailed the papers in the last possible moment. And we waited. Emails shuffled between the 7 of us, all beginning with conspiratorial, "Did you hear anything?" (Did I mention the other professors, aka, the specialists, were now involved in the conspiracy as well?) All seven of us were convinced that the paper(s) merited publication not just a grade. We waited. Finally, months later, the news came. B minus – for each paper. The grade posted: B, as the student showed an effort writing two papers instead of one. (Actually, there were 3 papers, one in 2 versions, but who's counting!) Apparently, a) the formatting was better now – although not flawless; b) the vocabulary – a little better, but not comprehensive enough; c) the conclusions, however, were obviously opinions of the author of the paper, which according to the teacher was WRONG. Although the paper was researched well, the teacher wasn't interested in the student's personal conclusions. It seems that conclusions have to be supported by statement of a recognized authority figure (i.e.: "I must agree with the pope when he says…"), as she (the teacher) would like to have learned something from the paper and the student's opinion does not present a real value. ?#&^%$#!!!!!
Do you see now why cheating doesn't pay? ;^)
There are seven of us sitting in the pub and planning a trip to Warsaw to shake some sense into THAT woman and we can't go! We have dreamed of thousand humiliating exercises we could put THAT woman thru, but we can't! Some wanted to just demand B minus as "we don't accept charity!" The student is upset with us because her GPA (or the equivalent) is going south. Everybody is looking for some written paper by THAT teacher, but it seems that if you just teach another language, you are not required to publish. The political science professor is learning swear words in Polish, just in case he runs into THAT woman. The English professor drowns his sorrows in scotch as he recalls his attempts to emulate Royko's style (as he doesn't drink anything below Glenfiddich, it's getting really expensive!). I ponder the paradox. ;^)
What do you think, will we ever live down the humiliation? ;^)
I was going to say something sooner but I've been really busy! I started a new job this week and, of course, what was supposed to be a ride in a park turned into a race from a tornado. I can't even tell whether I'm safe yet or not... I'll post something as soon as I actually work the 5 hours a day I signed up for (instead of 10 to 12). (Btw, if any of you are looking for a job nowadays, remember all jobs available are crappy. It's a rule that has no exceptions. I picked the best I could find and it's still crappy. There used to be time when you could find something interesting but that time has passed.)
Meanwhile, something really funny (do give it a chance and read it thru, I know it's long, still): Russian Tea HOWTO.
Posted by: Gryka | Feb 12, 2004 at 03:29 PM
Just a quick question - as I'm working even Sundays nowadays.
Michael, if you're still out-there: Alice P Miller and Alice Miller - are they the same people? Alice P Miller wrote a book I'm reading now (published in 1979) about Edmund Burke. And I got curious if that's the same woman as the psychoanalyst. (The cover is missing on my book so I don't know anything about the author. Not bad biography thou...) It's probably a conicidence, but I thought you might know.
Posted by: Gryka | Feb 22, 2004 at 04:47 PM